Hi friends! Long time no see, I know. Life has been hectic and it’s taken me awhile to put into words all that God has done over the last two months!
So first things first, I am in Romania! We arrived to Romania about 2 1/2 weeks ago and have been working with an incredible ministry called Hope Church Romania! Our time in Romania is a bit lengthy, but I am so excited to be partnered with this ministry.
When I last updated y’all, I spoke on how the Lord had taken me through a hard season of holding me together and He was building my joy. I was ready for a new season. But God quickly showed me there was something pretty big standing in my way.
My whole life, I have been a passionate person. Passionate about small things and passionate about big things. I have been someone who uses her tone of voice to express herself in conversations. I have been a person who is a planner and someone who likes to be in control of what’s going on. And while these can be awesome traits, they also have a downfall. I used to use the excuse “Oh, well that’s just how I am”, but something I have been learning over the race is that is not who I have to be.
I don’t have to be someone who gets worked up over small things. I don’t have to be someone who uses her tone in an intimidating way when I am upset. I don’t have to be someone who always in control. I don’t have to be someone who struggles with passion in anger. But frankly, I didn’t know how to break these habits that had been something I had been struggling with my whole life, but especially over the last 6 years and on the race.
In all honesty, I have been living in some sin that I haven’t wanted to face was actually sin. I didn’t want to face the fact that the anger I felt within me was sin. I didn’t want to face that the unforgiveness I was harboring in my heart was sin. I didn’t want to face the control I was seeking was sin. I didn’t want to face that my negativity to life was sin. And not only have these things been affecting me and my mood, it has been affecting my mental health, my experience on the race, and it has been affecting the people I love dearly around me.
You think it would be an easy thing to just not continue walking in that sin, but frankly this is deeper than that. This is something that has been rooted in me for as long as I can remember. This is how the enemy has been getting to me my whole life, but especially on the race. And frankly, it makes sense. I am on a year long journey of serving the Lord and growing in my faith, of course the enemy is going to try to attack that.
But I’m going to be honest, I didn’t realize this was an attack from the enemy until about 4 weeks ago. Before that, I just thought this was a habit I needed to break. So each morning I would hope that I wouldn’t be angry and pray to the Lord to just give me joy and take away any anger or bitterness, but then an hour later I would feel it bubbling in me and I would just allow it to bubble and then be angry or bitter or irritated or negative all day. And each day I would ask for it to go away and each day it would come back.
It got to the point where I just wanted to come home. I was tired. I was tried of not enjoying the race. I was tired of asking and not receiving. I was tired of trying but I was tired of fighting this battle.
And then one day, we were reading in Ephesians 4, and I read this:
“ to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner oof life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, not only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. Ephesians 4: 22-32
I had to make the choice to put off my old self and put on my new self. I needed to give no opportunity to the devil. God was going to meet me there, but I also had to make the choice to show up. So I dove into prayer, worship and spending time in His word and actively chose to not go into the darkness. My joy and laughter was being restored. I was finally starting to love the race and all that the Lord was doing in my life. But the darkness was still lingering. I deeply wanted to be freed from this chain. I wanted to be joyful, bold, and in love with the Lord without constantly fighting the darkness that was trying to get in. But I kept fighting.
At worship about a week ago, I could feel the darkness trying to get in to ruin my praise and worship to the Lord and I had HAD IT. So we had an altar call where anyone who needed prayer to come up and someone would come pray for them. My wonderful team lead, Aliseya, who is an incredible prayer warrior, came up and prayed for me. And as she was praying for me I could feel the darkness flooding out. I felt the chain being broken. Aliseya told me how when she was praying she saw a grave and the headstone said “Anger”. The anger that had been holding me captive for so long, WAS DEAD! And you might say “Oh, that was just a moment. It will be something that over time will happen”, but I am here to tell you I was COMPLETELY healed of anger, bitterness, irritation, control and anything that related with that. I am here to tell you Jesus performed a miracle in my life that day.
Each morning I wake up completely freed and filled with joy and thanksgiving to the Lord for breaking me of the sin that had held me captive for so long.
Sometimes we have something holding us captive in our life and we just make excuses about it because it’s “how I’ve always been” but God wants to free you of that chain. God wants to set you free of any sin that is deep within any area of your life. God wants to save you, you just have to meet Him there too. You have to show up for Him to cut off the chains.
So show up for God to cut you free of your chain today.
