Hold Me Together

If I am honest, these last 2 months of the race have been really hard. Maybe you’ve seen me smiling on social media, or my blogs have seemed good, but in reality, this is HARD.

I have struggled to find joy.
I have struggled to laugh or smile.
I have struggled to enjoy this season of life.
I have struggled being a good friend.
I have struggled in my relationship with God.

I struggled to be Gabi.

Frankly, I didn’t recognize the girl I saw standing in the mirror last week.

She was sad, broken, discouraged and lonely.

The last two months, while ministry has been amazing and I have enjoyed it, my personal walk with the Lord and the growth He has been doing has been really hard. As if the growth hasn’t been hard enough, I have been hard on myself and not given myself grace throughout the growth that God has been doing within me. Something I’m learning is that during the growth process, you’re going to mess up, and let me tell ya, I have messed up A LOT. But I’m slowly learning that’s ok…

In many good ways, He has been showing me areas that are in need of growth in my life, but I have become so focused on all the areas He’s trying to grow me in, I have forgotten the good in who He has made me to be. I keep looking at the parts of myself that I want to be better. The person most people love me to be and the gifts God has blessed me with have gotten lost. There have been days that it has taken everything in me to open my bible and read it. There have been days where I am angry with God. There have been days where I have to fight for a smile. There have been days where I just have wanted to come home…

AND YET

He is holding me together. 

I know He has called me here for a purpose. I know, while the growth is hard, it is so worth it. I know I am supposed to be here. I know that He has something big planned. I know it is on the horizon.

He is breaking down everything I have ever known to build something new and beautiful. He is making something beautiful.

One of the hardest things He’s been breaking is where I have found my identity. Everything I have ever identified myself with is slowly going away, making me realize I have not been finding my identity in Christ, but rather in earthly things like my major, my sorority, my leadership role, my relationship status or being a big sister. But my true and only identity is being a daughter to the King.

My mentor sent me this song the other day and I have been captivated by the lyrics:

“Come to the quiet
Come lay your troubles down
Come look inside and learn to love again

And I know you’ve tried
I know the flesh it fights you
But I know the light will stand here in the end

How can it be
That in a moment
That in a second
Love is resurrected
And oh, I believe
That you were broken
But it is spoken
Love is resurrected
Hold me together

Come here, come see
Come face this mess you’ve made
Come find what you need
A hope that holds you still

And I know it’s hard
And I know there’s fear to follow
But I know this life you love will pass you by

Hold on, my love
Hold on to me
Hold on, my friend
Come close to me
Oh, hold on, my love
Hold on to me
And hold on, my friend
Come close to me

How can it be
That in a moment
That in a second
Love is resurrected
And oh, I believe
That you were broken
But it is spoken
Love is resurrected
How can it be
That in a moment
That in a second
Love is resurrected
And oh, I believe
That you were broken
But it is spoken
Love is resurrected”

Hold me together It’s a song called Hold Me Together by Jarvis Campbell and I recommend everyone go listen to this beautiful song.

This has become my prayer. God, hold me together. God, give me strength to keep going. God, please help me to feel your love. God, please restore my joy.

And I am so excited to say little by little, day by day, He is answering my prayer and I am slowly becoming who He has created me to be.

I am Gabi, daughter of the King, who loves the Lord, who laughs without fear, and smiles with pure joy.

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You may be wondering how I know I am supposed to be here in Europe… Well, about a month ago, God started laying Europe on my heart and to start praying for Europe. I found it to be kind of odd considering I had no idea the next time I would get to go to Europe, but I began praying for them anyway.

A month later, I am sitting in a coffee shop in Albania, writing this blog. That’s right…

SURPRISE!!

I AM IN ALBANIA!

Last week, we thought we were headed to Colombia but due to some last minute changes, we got rerouted to Albania!

Here are some pics from Nicaragua and my first week in Albania. Thank you God, for what you have brought me through and where I am today.

Love y’all,
Gabi

 

Pictures from our first ministry site in Nicaragua

 

Pictures from our second ministry site in Nicaragua

 

Pictures from first week in Albania and my birthday!!

 

Pictures from Christmas!